Trash Talk

From: Undefeated C&C Champion
To: Matthew Cocks
Sent: Tuesday, September 03, 2002 4:35 PM
Subject: Command & Conquer

Do you remember, mortal, how I thrashed you to within an inch of your life in Command & Conquer to become the undefeated C&C champion of the world? How you begged for mercy as I ground your harvester into the dust with a mere handful of brave soldiers, who were fighting the just and true fight against your overwhelming demonic forces? How you whimpered... how the bogies ran down your chin... how you couldn't see for a week after your brain melted from being in the presence of my C&C greatness?

All bow down to the ultimate undefeated C&C champion of the world - ME!

I've been playing Warcraft 3 lately and it bears some similarity to C&C, in that you mine resource and then I win and you lose. I was just wondering whether you've been playing it as well, and whether you care to suffer a humiliating defeat over that, to go with the other humiliating defeats you've been collecting? I'm not sure how you play it multiplayer, I've not tried it yet, so you might have to wait for me to get the hang of it. And then I shall defeat you!

Alternatively you can just admit defeat now, and save yourself the humiliation of being beaten AGAIN... in which case, we shall agree that I am also to be known as the ultimate undefeated Warcraft 3 champion of the world - ME!


Hoping that this letter finds you well, yours etc.,

Sylvanus.

From: Matthew Cocks
To: Undefeated C&C Champion
Sent: Tuesday, September 03, 2002 5:31 PM
Subject: Re: Command & Conquer

big words there, I'd like to see if your warcraft is as big as your words....

I've played warcraft 2 but will need to practice on warcraft 3 before I get to whip your ass. In C&C your 'brave' soldiers were more like the bumbling keystone cops who accidentally save the day - but all in a kind of slapstick style from start to finish.


Caption: Mr Undefeated C&C Champion contacts his troops

From: Undefeated C&C Champion
To: Matthew Cocks
Sent: Tuesday, September 03, 2002 6:14 PM
Subject: Re: Command & Conquer

I wish I could pull faces like that.

This is me, warming up for when I bitch slap you in Warcraft 3:

This is you, plotting and scheming before I put paid to your little plans:

You bounder!

This is how you look when you see how badly you're losing, and begin to contemplate the next humiliating defeat:

The horror sinks in:

You poo your pants and then try to blame the dog for the smell...

And finally you beg for mercy as my men tear off your legs and beat you over the head with them:

How apt that it should be a clown... and that hair style... where have I seen it before? He has your dress sense too - it's like I'm seeing double!


Sylvanus, the undefeated C&C champion of the world.