Filth and Smut

Some time ago I innocently mentioned a certain word, usually used to describe a meow-meow cat, that begins with P and rhymes with hussy. I'm not going to mention it again because just that one mention was enough to distort my page stats - specifically the bit in the stats that tells me the searches that people are Googling me on. Believe you me, *ussy is a popular word. The top searches to get here used to be things like "galaxy chocolate" and all kinds of dullness. But not any more. Ho no. Since the *ussy word was introduced the searches list has become a long stream of obscene phrases and questions.

Here's some of the better searches that people have used to get here (don't try these at home):

good looking *ussy
stroke my *ussy
flash me your *ussy
*ussy eating fights (eh?)
ducks & *ussy

My favourite is definitely "ducks & *ussy". What on earth were they hoping to find? The mind boggles. Maybe it was a slip of the finger - D and F are next to each other and it can be pretty tricky to type with just your left hand.

But I like to think it wasn't a mistake. I'd like to think that it was a search by someone with a fetish so extreme and so specific that his only recourse is to trawl the Internet night after night, clicking away on every link his search brings up, no matter HOW unlikely they appear at first sight, in the desperate hope that one day he'll find his Holy Grail - a site full of pictures of woman with mallard ducks stuffed down their undies. I hope he finds it. Just so long as no ducks were harmed in the production of the site. I'm not sure how comfortable ducks are going to be when they've been shoved in someone's panties - although I suspect it's going to be a lot more uncomfortable for the poor woman who's sharing her knickers with a duck.